The Lord has been stirring this post in me for a few days and I’m going to do my best to articulate my experience and the Christian tension I feel with the Austin Drummond case. I would hope this story I’m about to share and my personal history with a certain criminal would not cause any of us to argue or type words in a comment that cause more division than anyone would want.

I just want to tell you how the Lord convicted me and taught me to love others that are not like me.

Let me give you some appropriate context. The Lord used this time period to cause me to do a 180 when it comes to my view of criminals, mug shots shared in the local paper or on tv, especially murderers, that are in our criminal justice system. Bear with me. And names have most definitely been changed.

Several years ago, I would go to our local jail and participate in jail ministry two nights a week. This ministry opportunity was provided through the local church, and several men and women would attend when they were able to serve our inmates. Proper training was provided. We would show up, gather together for prayer, clear security and the men would walk over to the men’s side, and I would walk over to the women’s side.

You never knew what pod, or group of ladies you would be serving, so you simply chose a group and began with a gentle, kind hello and open up the Word and share with them whatever you had prepared to share with them. Some would listen well. Their faces would be turned toward you and you could see the desperation in their eyes. Others would mock you, not look at you, and be completely disengaged. That’s ok. I trusted the Lord with the time we had regardless of who was attentive and “listening.”

One week I show up and a woman comes up to me, let’s call her Madison, and I immediately think, “Hmmmm, I am scared of her.” Her facial features were strong and prominent. She wouldn’t look at me, but she was close and wanted to listen. I could tell that underneath her jumpsuit she was physically strong. I could also tell she was young. For whatever reason, I was uneasy with her. Was it fear I was feeling or was it that I was just out of my comfort zone this particular week? Jail never felt super comfortable even though I had been many, many weeks. But the Lord. The Lord quickly impressed upon me to be patient with her. I was to be kind to her. Honestly, my initial goal was for her to simply look at me and smile. I was determined for her to know I didn’t think too highly of myself, grateful the Lord would even think to use me in this scenario, I could like her, and for her to trust what was happening in our hour together. I never wanted to appear as someone who rolled up in there all cute, having it all figured out, and looked down upon them. Girls, that could have been me. It could have been any one of us.

It took a few weeks but eventually Madison would look me in the eye when I would be teaching and then just a few days later, she actually smiled and laughed with me.

She trusted me. I could see it in her eyes. I heard it in her laugh. I can still see that face of hers laughing with me or at me.

Madison and I never, ever, ever talked about why she was in our jail system. It didn’t matter to me. I just knew we were both females who need someone to genuinely be there for us no matter what the circumstances were. I need that every day and you do too.

I wanted her to know that if the gospel was true for me, it was true for her. That’s the power and beauty of the gospel. Jesus came and died for ALL our sins. All means all. All people and all sins. Many times, during the weeks with Madison and other inmates we had to wrestle out what I would have easily believed but for them was much harder.

At the end of our time together each night, I would ask the inmates what their prayer request was and 10/10 times they all had the same prayer. Please pray for my family, children if they had any, and their upcoming court date. We did that. We prayed big, powerful, honest, a begging of God to move in their lives type of prayer.

One particular night Madison told me about a court date she had, and I asked her if it would be ok if I went and just sat in the courtroom to let her know I was there for her. She immediately asked, “Would you do that?” Of course I would. And I did.

I would always pray out loud in the car on the way to jail ministry. I trusted the Lord to lead me and help me each night. He was clearly leading me with these next steps. I had a full-time job and would not have naturally offered up to go to court with her. I had no idea what to expect when I showed up that morning. What is security like? Where do I go? How does this work? I didn’t know if she would be first or last on the docket. I sat patiently and tried to figure out what was happening.

When it was time for her to enter the courtroom, she walked in shackled around her waist and ankles and sat on a bench that I remember thinking looked just like a church pew. She was about the 3rd or 4th case brought before the judge. We made eye contact and grinned at one another. She knew that I genuinely cared about her, her eternity, her future and had showed up for her. Keep in mind, I had no idea what she had done. I had zero clue why Madison was in our jail system until that morning.

Her court appointed attorney went up to the judge to clarify a few things but otherwise answered questions and made statements from his table when he was spoken to. I had no idea what was really happening except for I heard the following words: Madison’s full name and accomplice to a murder and a sentencing date.

Whoa.

Would this change how I felt about her? Interacted with her? Avoid her? Carry on as normal if I saw her again?

Madison and I had a couple more times together before she was sentenced to a women’s prison. Here is what I know to be true about her and learned after that courtroom experience together. Madison was a believer. Her grandmother had played a significant role in her life, but something happened that caused Madison to get caught up in a gang at a very young age and then found herself as an accomplice to a murder and sentenced to many years in prison.

Madison is someone’s daughter. Thankfully Madison knew the Lord and we had honest conversations about her life and her relationship with the Lord. Madison, like Austin Drummond, was young. She was in her early 20’s at the time. They are so young. Just babies actually.

If the gospel is true for me, it’s true for her, Austin, anyone.

I have boys that are in their 20’s and I have thought a lot about my friend Madison over the last few days as I watched Austin’s case unfold in my backyard.

If my family had experienced murder, I would be completely outraged, devastated, unable to think, get up and carry on, and struggle to forgive but I would still have to say, “If the gospel is true for me, it’s true for them too.”

I know Austin Drummond will be in prison the rest of his life, but I pray he comes to know the Lord while there. I pray that the prison ministry will minister to his broken, lost soul. I pray for his family. My gosh can you imagine what his parents are experiencing? And finally, the 4 young lives that were tragically taken due to his choices, Lord, have mercy on their families left behind.

It all feels so heavy and sad and just plain awful, doesn’t it? If you are a Christian, I just ask that you consider what you believe and how you love and serve those who are not like you.

“I can wrestle out my faith but it not be unbelief.” Jackie Hill Perry. I wish we could unpack that together. Being a Christian can most definitely be hard.

In all our sin, Jesus sees us and loves us anyway. He is worth following. I promise.

A prisoner may be bound but the gospel is not.

While we were sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Thank you, Jesus, for the power of the cross that is available to us all.

Jackson Madison County Jail