I absolutely love my job! I mean LOVE. IT. I’m so very thankful for where the Lord has me in this season. This job literally did not exist a year ago on campus so it’s new. I’m new. I’m 55 and I’m new. *grin* The whole team is new. However, we the people are not new to the university. It’s like stepping into a brand new pair of shoes in a shoe store that you have shopped in and bought from for years. The shoes are new. The store not so much. So, what is this new job of mine? My official university title is, “Assistant Director for Campus Ministry and Women’s Discipleship.” Yes, I work in private Christian higher ed and am just so thankful for the opportunity to disciple the young women on our campus. If you have ever released a child into the higher world, you know how scary it can be to let others teach them, guide them, pour into them, disciple them. It’s never lost on me the space I am able to step into with our students. Such trust given to me, all of us, as we steward these young lives. I love traveling the road with this age. We are so very similar yet nothing alike.

And, like many of you, I would have never, ever dreamed this would be what I would be doing today because back in the 80’s and early 90’s I was more interested in big hair, a wine cooler, and a good party. Maybe one day I can share my story. For now, thank God for God.

Alrighty, let’s talk about the incredibly wise and thoughtful students I get to spend time with each and every day. I had a gorgeous conversation with a young woman over breakfast this past week because good gosh alive she is just brilliant but for now I’m choosing another conversation. Later that afternoon I was having my current favorite beverage of choice, an iced vanilla latte coupled with conversation with a graduating senior who will be going into teaching in the fall. HE IS TEACHING MATH NO LESS! He will be teaching math to high school students! Can you even imagine?! It took me 3 solid times to pass, PASS, College Algebra. We can’t all have the same gifts now can we? Praise God for the body of Christ. Alrighty, this precious soul of a student and I were talking about failure. Such a fine conversation to end the semester on, huh? Quick explanation: For the past 5 years I have lead a cohort of students through something called “Leadership Union, Student Edition” and after each session I spend time talking to them about what the speaker shared with us. Our last session just happen to be on failure, building resiliency, and grit. I asked the student to define failure for me in his own words. He did a great job with that. He understands it broadly and from a distance. But I asked him if he could think of a time when he had failed at something. “Let’s think about an up close example of failure. Maybe a recent example from the past year. Do you have anything you can think of ?” No, he couldn’t. Hmmmmm…..interesting. No failure in your life? Had he disappointed people? 100% yes. Failed at something? He can’t recall. I asked if he had ever failed a class. He responded with, “Does my 1st B count as failing?” No. No, no, no that’s not failure. An A is an A and a B is not failure. You may feel like you failed that class but you definitely did not get an F. You may not have received the grade you wanted, but a B is still a B and I’m never going to question someone’s ability over a B. Heck, even a C. I may have gotten better grades if I would have gone to class and cared more. Remember, I was into majoring in big hair, good times, and wine coolers. Again, thank God for God.

Ok, let me ask you, the reader, the same question. What have you failed at? What did it end up teaching you? Life sure isn’t about hopping from one mountain top experience to the next. I don’t run to the valley but I’m sure not afraid of it.

Ok, now let me answer the question because the student asked me too. “Ms. Fran, where have you failed? What have you learned in your life from all your failures?” Don’t worry, buddy. I have a plethora of failures to choose from. There is beauty that comes with age, isn’t there? That beauty cost us something. A wrinkle here and there and experiences we pull from that often wish we didn’t have, but alas, here we are. I wouldn’t trade those battle scars, wounds, and wrinkles for anything. I haven’t had a single unit of Botox so I have it to prove to you. Today, I see that valley coming and I won’t run from it. I know what it feels like to land there, live there, and recover from there.

Ok, my answer to the question. Here is what I said:

“I’m usually the problem with why something failed or I, myself, failed at something. You see, it was always my pride, my inability to see myself honestly and what was acutally going on. I wanted to see what I wanted to see and it was usually how to make me greater. Any ‘die to self’ language would have been a lie. I began to want the validation of man more than anything. I would want to be the center of attention. A pat on the back, a public or private kind word of any kind would suit me just fine. There was zero to little humility walking around in this body and I didn’t even know it. I would often be pulling the fake humble card. You know the one. It fits beautifully in our back pocket ready to be used for identification. I grew up needing attention of any kind so even attention around a Christ-centered something could get confusing for me. What is this attention and who’s it for?”

Latte’s in both of our hands, the sweet student is just sitting and staring at me at this point. He’s a little harder to read, but his heart is that of gold so I don’t think he would say anyhting too terrible. I smiled back at him and finished my thought. “So, how did I fail? Me and my ego got in the way of everything. Failure for me in so many situations meant failing to listen to the One trying to tell me something, failing to obey any step He was asking me to take, and said simply, failing to die to my own wants.”

And a good hair net will humble you real quick won’t it? Grab your hair net my friends and get outta the way!

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”-Galatians 2:20

Love you all, Fran